Copying with self-hate

published on 31 May 2022

How to get over your self-hatred and find your true voice


Μost people spend hours analyzing and talking about human relationships. The main goal of every person nowadays is to resolve their differences with other fellow human beings and improve their relationships. With a bit of searching, you will find hundreds of articles and tips on the internet on how to learn to communicate with those around you how to learn to love the other. What you will rarely come across are ideas about how to love yourself.

It is essential to be in a good relationship with ourselves. If we do not focus on creating and maintaining a meaningful and positive relationship with ourselves, we risk living our daily lives with feelings of self-hatred. In addition, if the necessary attention is not paid to these emotions, self-hatred becomes even more intense.

Summary of contents

1. Signs you are dealing with self-hatred
2. How to overcome your self-hatred?
3. In conclusion

Signs you are dealing with self-hatred

  • You blame yourself and do not forgive your mistakes easily

    The first sign that you struggle with self-hatred is that you do not stop blaming yourself for things and not forgiving your mistakes. You reflect on your past, and all you see are countless wrong decisions and choices. You are full of guilt, and you feel that you have not given your best so far. You take responsibility for the mistakes of others and believe that you are the focus that all events went wrong. If you make a mistake, you feel that everything is ruined. You find it challenging to overcome circumstances and go one step further; the past errors haunt you, and the hatred for yourself grows.

  • You focus only on the negatives

    Another habit you have when your relationship with yourself goes wrong is focusing only on the negative. Even when you have a good day or something pleasant has preceded, your mind is stuck in the most negative thoughts. Like, in case someone evaluates your work for something, instead of focusing on all the positive words you heard in your mind, the only correction they made to you is repeated. You see everything on you as unfavorable, even the relationship of others with yourself as a problematic relationship. You run out of positive ideas about yourself and forget what you have accomplished so far.
  • You neglect your self-care

    Another sign that you have stopped liking yourself is that you have given up caring. As for your appearance, you have neglected the treatment of your body; you do not look yourself in the mirror, you do not spend time on the grooming that will make you feel beautiful. You dress with what you find in front of you, and even though you do not like this image, you do not do anything about it. The problem also exists in your inner world, by feeling constantly tired from work or not devoting time to your peace of mind and isolation from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Your health is also neglected by not taking the pills or supplements you need or not visiting the doctors you need to take care of your body and mind.
  • You constantly seek confirmation

Your relationship is probably quite fragile if you are constantly looking for social confirmation. You are always seeking approval from others to validate your self-esteem. Your opinion of yourself changes depending on how others evaluate you or what they think of you. You do not have a strong idea of ​​yourself, except for your rough descriptions from people who do not know you so well. You try to be liked and accepted by others; that's why you resort to choices that do not express you perfectly, or you find it difficult to say no. You may feel irritated, angry, and upset because you did not get the confirmation you wanted.

  • You do not accept compliments

    If you find yourself not accepting any compliments, then it is another sign that you do not feel good about yourself. When someone says something good about you, you automatically react negatively to what they say to you or even think they are unfairly polite to you. You can not accept a positive comment as you feel that it does not represent you and that you do not deserve it.
  • You take criticism very personally

    When someone criticizes you, you take it more as a personal attack. You feel overwhelmed, and criticism hurts your ego. You can not work more on complaints and try again as you are entirely out of tune. You take criticism very personally and consider that it represents you in your totality, forgetting the rest of your skills and abilities. In addition, you may be biased, and every time you expect to hear criticism prepare yourself that it will be entirely negative.

How to overcome your self-hatred?

If you're in a bad relationship with yourself, there's a way out. Here are some things you can do to start working toward that goal.

1. Write down your positive sides

The first thing to do is write down all the positive sides you have. Write down what makes you feel happy, what makes you feel good about yourself, and what makes you feel proud of yourself. Think about your best qualities and what helped you get to the point in your life where you are. Remember to focus on the skills and abilities that have led you to success in the past. Think of the people who love you, think of the moments when they tried to help you in your difficulties and all the beautiful emotions that made you feel. If you were not a person worthy of such treatment, all this would not have happened. 

Think about your hobbies and recognize the ones you are good at and enjoy doing. Even achievements at work, the times you helped your co-worker complete their workload or the thumbs-up you heard from your boss. Evaluate your potential and see all the supplies you have gathered so far. Take time to think about the goals you have achieved so far; it may not be the most ambitious but more straightforward, everyday ones, such as getting out of bed, catching the proper means of transportation, and getting by with your long hours of work. Thinking all these positives on you will make you appreciate the real you.

2. Keep a diary of your daily thoughts

Keep a diary of your thoughts and feelings, looking at some of the causes that may lead you to them. A diary is a record that you will use to look at yourself and ask yourself directly. As you write daily, you will understand patterns of your way of thinking and spot the negative thoughts and the elements that touch off this negativity. You may notice that many of your ideas are unrealistic and have exaggerated in evaluating situations. With the help of the diary, you become more aware of your emotions and slowly begin to take control. Recording emotions helps relieve emotional discomfort and prevent the appearance of feelings of self-loathing.


3. Know the difference between habits of self-harm and self-love 

Another critical step in self-loathing is watching what you think is best for you. This means being aware of the habits that make you feel worse about yourself instead of helping you. Various addictions, for example, such as cigarettes or alcohol, can act as defense mechanisms in multiple situations. You may think that smoking after a stressful day at work will relieve you and wash away tension when you end up with a cough or a weakened immune system. Respectively with alcohol; You might often drink because it makes you feel relaxed and better about yourself when contacting others. It ends the next day with a headache or postponement of your obligations, and you feel awful for yourself. This can quickly become a vicious circle that will always contain a confused and lousy sense of who you are and what you deserve. That's why it's essential to recognize the differences between the habits that make you feel good about yourself and their limits.

4. Embrace your flaws

It is important to learn to love your flaws and accept yourself as a whole. Recognizing that there are no mistakes and opposing sides, you will understand that you are like everyone else as an ordinary mortal. You do not need to blame yourself for things that are not what you want them to be. Think that everything is random and manageable, from the physical to the most psychological defects. Reflecting on the fact that you have survived and reached this point with your flaws means that your flaws may have been important tools in the course of your life.


If you accept your imperfections, you create more living space to accept yourself as a whole; you create your freedom. When you are free from the fear of hiding your imperfections, the anxiety of not being seen by others, and how you will be judged, you will not waste time and mental energy trying to hide and cover up your imperfections—openly acknowledging your flaws can become your strength and can even inspire people who share the same flaws to accept them.

5. Overcome thoughts about past versions of yourself

Without a doubt, we have all felt guilty in our lives. Whether you have handled a situation properly or you have handled a person properly, guilt is a normal and even "productive" feeling. The problem starts when you get stuck in negative emotions. When you let it paralyze you.

You can't do anything without problems and challenges; they are a part of life. This doesn't mean that we should give up. It means that we should find ways to deal with these problems. The first step for overcoming your past mistakes and past versions of yourself is to accept them. Accept that these things happened because that was your ability to handle situations then or your knowledge so far. 

You can't avoid negative emotions when thinking about them, but you can control how you respond to them. So the next thing you have to do after acceptance is to work on these thoughts themselves; Try to change them by thinking about another perspective of the mistakes you made, that is, doing an exchange of ideas. For example, instead of thinking,'' why did I say that? I'm ashamed '' you can think '' it does not matter what I said; maybe someone needed to hear it ''.

You can even see them as opportunities for growth and learning. Think that if you had not done it, you would not have reached this point of view and knowledge now. The past mistakes and past selves are a lesson for you and feed your present wisdom.

6. Take care of your physical and mental health

The attention we have to give to ourselves is essential to be at peace with our inner selves and enjoy life. If you start taking care of yourself practically and emphasizing on the health of your body, the positive image for you will begin to be created automatically. One thing you can do is create a self-care plan that you will implement daily. This plan will focus on keeping your body healthy. For example, include exercise, sleep schedule, nutrition choices, etc. By exercise, you will keep your body in shape, test and develop your stamina, and feel stronger. You can start by joining your local sports club or taking it on your own and going for a half-hour walk every day to a beautiful place listening to your favorite music. Our bodies also need enough sleep, fresh air, and a good diet. Focus on getting an 8-hour nap and eating foods with vitamins that boost your immune system. By itself, this activation will fill you with lively and positive thoughts about yourself.


In addition, you should emphasize your grooming and spend some time every day to style your hair as you wish or take a walk in the market to change your wardrobe. The air of renewal will be felt. Your mental state is also super important. Take a few minutes each day to clear your mind of thoughts and take a breath of relief.

Do not ignore the importance of creating and maintaining boundaries with your responsibilities, such as work, and with the people in your life. Keeping boundaries can also help you identify obstacles that may prevent you from maintaining a self-care plan. Most things are ineffective if not done consistently. It will not work for you unless you do. Consistency is the key.

7. Spend time with positive people

One way to have a positive attitude and outlook on life is to spend time with people who have positive attitudes and views. Spend time with those who encourage you and tell you that you can do anything. Don't hang around negative people who will only drag you down.  

Positive people are not the ones who do not have problems; on the contrary, they have, but they choose to solve them, seeing their positive side. We say yes to these people; we want them in our lives, in our company. People like this inspire you, motivate you, and encourage you. They can give you good advice and show you how to enjoy the inner you. We can ask them to introduce us to their positive way of thinking to see life with more optimism.


Know that it’s okay to reach out and ask for help if you are struggling with self-hatred. You don’t have to suffer alone. And you are never alone.

In conclusion

Relating to ourselves is not an easy task. However, there are many ways to regain the relationship or create a new one. Give yourself time to mature and give yourself time to get to know yourself. If you do not love yourself first, how will others love you?

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