Is It Real Love? How to Tell If Your Relationship Is Toxic

published on 25 May 2022

What are the red flags you keep ignoring while being in a relationship?


Summary of contents

  1. What is wrong with toxic relationships?
  2. What are your partner's toxic character and behaviour?
  3. How to stay away from toxic relationships?
  4. In conclusion

What is wrong with toxic relationships?

Many times love is not as ideal as it seems. We wait for it with so much until it appears with a completely different face. Real love doesn't appear like the picture shown on TV or in the movies. This face is not even love's face, as true love certainly looks different.

Most of us have had or will have to associate with a toxic person and develop a bond with them at some point in our lives. Toxicity, after all, is not an element that appears from the beginning; first, everything seems peaceful and dreamy, but over time the problematic aspects of our partner come to the surface. These aspects can have light to severe effects on us and fill our daily lives with negative emotions.

Toxic relationships make it difficult to survive. They tend to be the ones where we feel like we’re being pulled down and sinking with them. There is always an energy that seems out of place, and it’s hard to tell what’s going on. Usually, there are a lot of red flags which, for some reason didn't manage to notice.

It is important to spot these red relationship flags as early as possible and prevent these negative emotions. There are various red flags, and sometimes we may find ourselves questioning them or not realizing their seriousness. There are many, and it is never too late, and any time it is discovered, it is helpful and saving.

What are your partner's toxic character and behavior?

They are abusive


There is no greater reason to leave a relationship than when your partner is abusive. It may sound overly obvious, but abuse does not just take physical form. Constant criticism, harassment, insults, threats, manipulative behavior are all signs of emotional abuse. Do not ignore them, even in their most "innocent" forms. Over time they will undoubtedly get worse.

They are jealous


Jealousy is very different from claiming. Claiming someone or giving us their attention is essential in a relationship for us to feel that someone cares about us and how we deserve it. On the other hand, jealousy stems from our partner's insecurities and exerts tremendous pressure on the one who accepts it. The extreme feeling of owning a person is more than dangerous. The old sayings that jealousy is sexy and that a bit of jealousy will help and rekindle the relationship are outdated beliefs and solutions that mostly fail. Stay away from situations that resemble a war zone with the slightest and pointless reason. You do not deserve such treatment.

They are judgmental

No one wants a partner who does not accept their true self. Suppose you see your partner constantly criticizing your choices, making one-sided remarks on issues that concern you, commenting negatively on your relationships with your friends. In that case, that means you have to move away. It is different when someone tries to tell you their opinion on something, taking into account who you are and what you want, than to impose their views in a critical tone and never say a positive word.

They want to take over control

Another important red flag is when your partner tries to gain control of your life. They constantly call you on their cell phone to see where you are and with whom, they decide for you without asking you, they demand access to personal data such as passwords on social media and much more, they get angry if you do not reply to their messages in time and much more. If you ever feel hesitant about your decisions or find yourself constantly lost in thoughts about how your partner will react to something straightforward, then they have trapped you in their control for good.

They make you feel ashamed to express yourself


There is a no more important element in a relationship than for both people to be 100% themselves and not be afraid or ashamed of what they do and say. For the first time, most of us present a more careful version of ourselves; as the relationship goes on, it goes without saying that we will relax and express ourselves more and more openly and not try to be perfect all the time.
People in relationships prevent you from expressing yourself freely and make you ashamed of it, leaving you no room to exist. If you notice that instead of opening up and taking it a step further, you close in on yourself and think twice before talking about how you will hear other things, then this relationship is not for you.

They isolate you from friends and family


Do you feel that you have lost all contact with friends and family members after your relationship with your partner? Here is another red flag you should spot. When a new person enters our life, it does not mean that we have to get over everyone else. We connect so differently and separately with different people, wherewith each of you, you have to exchange something exceptional, and each of you fills you in specific areas. A toxic partner might also try to convince you that you ignore them and spend too much time with other people. Putting aside the love of your family, the support and company of your friends, and instead of spending all day every day with a single person for a long time, you end up losing and hurting loved ones. Sure there should be a friendship between you and your partner, but the friendship just as you get it from your friends is hard to find and create.

They make you quit things you loved

In addition to not losing your loved ones, it is equally important not to give up the activities and things you loved to do before entering your relationship. Maybe your new partner will constantly make you choose between your favorite hobby and them, leaving you no room to leave the house and go for that walk that you love to go in the afternoons. Or you may notice that you suddenly lose interest in what you love to do and feel that your passion for it has faded. If something like this happens, check your current relationship a little more because your partner may take you away from what fills you.


They lie all the time

We have all told small lies at some point in our lives, either because we did not know how to manage a situation or wanted to protect someone we care about. But if you catch your partner constantly telling you big lies and making up scripts for their benefit, then you need to worry. No matter what the cause, you need to clarify that you do not tolerate dishonesty. In a toxic relationship, lying is the norm. It isn't easy to build trust in such cases.

They don't support your personal growth


A vital element of a relationship is mutual support and embracing the personal development of the other. Imagine a person next to you who rejoices in your joys and successes, who supports you to complete your goals, who is there in your difficult moments where you need a shoulder to lean your head on and give you strength to stand-up and try again. And now, imagine a partner who not only is not interested in your personal development but also poses obstacles to it by taking the opportunity to put you down every time. If they want to be with you, your partner should respect your goals and dreams and be supportive.

They make you feel more sad than happy

We all have our happy and sad moments in life. Both elements are valid, and we must experience them to have a variety within us and accept what everyone has to offer us. Having happy moments with your partner is not a bad thing; but the bad days, the melancholy, and the low mood is a fact in life, which we do not need to avoid as many times they are redemptive (like a cry, for example) and bring us to awareness. However, when we feel that after our relationship, we are in a constant void, that we are trapped in a hole of grief, and that most moments with our partner make us feel more ugly than beautiful, then it is time to move to have in our minds that this is another red flag.

They make you feel as if the relationship is a competition

One of the worst things about a relationship is a general climate of competition. This means that you are in constant comparison with your partner, and you try to do better in areas to get the satisfaction that you are better than the other. If you are always trying to outdo each other in something, you can get to the point of being aggressive, or even happy, when the other person fails. This can create more profound feelings of hostility towards the other. You can also develop insecurities about whether you are good enough at different things. Stay away from toxic people who put you in this process and way of thinking.


Even if we realize the toxic elements in our new partner, we stand frozen and do not know how to act to change that. We place our hopes on the possibility that the situation will change at some point in the future. We feel weak to get out of a toxic situation because we will be even more vulnerable after it ends. But if we know how to manage such cases, we will fight to get rid of them.

How to stay away from toxic relationships?

1. Be honest with yourself

To escape when you are in a toxic relationship, you must first realize what is happening. Understand and accept the situation. Admit to yourself that you are unhappy. Recognizing all these elements, you only have to be honest with your feelings and make the big decision. It's time to stop lying to yourself that everything is going well and face reality.

2. Realize your needs

Through recognizing what is toxic, you learn what they are not like. In turn, knowing what you do not like, you understand your preferences, your needs, and what you are looking for in someone. Thinking about the reasons you are with a person, you separate these reasons from the person and come in contact with your deepest desires. Knowing what you want not only gives you better self-awareness but also makes it easier to look elsewhere.


3. Learn to live alone

Most people are raised with the idea that our purpose is to find our other half! So we are nourished by the idea that we will feel whole only when we find someone to accompany us. This idea takes us away from learning to enjoy life alone. If you know to stop relying your happiness on others and how to move the threads of your life on your own, you will reach one step closer to happiness each time. Don't compromise to be with a partner. After all, as the saying goes, if you do not learn to live with yourself and get along with yourself, you will not live with other people. Thus, focusing on yourself keeps you away from any toxic element when you have to do with others.


4. Speak to them

Sometimes, when you are already in a toxic relationship, there is a way to eliminate the toxic element: talking. He may succeed less often, but it is good to keep in mind that telling the person who mistreats us that we are unhappy with him, pointing out his behaviors, may put him in the process of thinking. And this is because sometimes we do not know how we behave if others do not tell us. Of course, this idea is challenging to apply in cases of a highly toxic partner where it is preferable and salvation to leave the relationship simply.

5. Ask for support

It's good to keep your friends and family informed about what is going on in your life, so you always have witnesses of events. Also, you always have people next to you to get out of yourself what concerns you and make your outbursts. By sharing your concerns, you hear more ideas on managing situations and gain courage and strength for this management. It is essential to listen to the opinion of your loved ones who know you because the toxic love blurs you, and you can not see the many harmful elements.


6. Leave

One of the hardest things to do in life is to walk away from toxic people you are already engaged with. You hear many people tell you to get out of all this and that the best solution is to get away, but they forget that it is not an easy task. And it is difficult because you can remain in love or believe in your common future, or you have become a victim to their behaviors that you do not see a dead-end. However, by following the above steps, you reach the essence of the struggle against toxic elements and, at the end of all these efforts: leave toxicity and start living. Remember that this step may seem like the most significant step, but it is crucial for your mental health.

In conclusion

It would be great if the people capable of turning our lives into hell seemed awful to us from the first moment; it would save us a lot of time, mental fatigue, and drama. However, it is never too late! Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and live a harmonious life, whether alone whether with a mindful partner.

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